Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) Karaoke - Benny Hill

This title is a cover of Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) as made famous by Benny Hill

Formats included:


The CDG format (also called CD+G or MP3+G) is suitable for most karaoke machines. It includes an MP3 and synchronized lyrics.

This universal format works with almost any device (Windows, Mac, iPhone, iPad, Android, Connected TVs...)

This format is tailored for Windows Media Player which is setup by default on most Windows computers.

This format is suitable for KaraFun Player, a free karaoke software. It allows you to turn on or off the backing vocals, lead vocals, and change the pitch or tempo.

Your purchase allows you to download your video in all of these formats as often as you like.


With backing vocals (with or without vocals in the KFN version)

In the same key as the original: C, D♭, D

Release date: 1971
Genres: Comedy, Soundtracks, In English
Original songwriter: Benny Hill

All files available for download are reproduced tracks, they're not the original music.

Lyrics Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round
And he galloped into market street his badge upon his chest
His name was Ernie and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west
Now Ernie loved a widow a lady known as Sue
She lived all alone in Liddley
Lane at number twenty two
They said she was too good for him
She was haughty proud and chic
But Ernie got his coco there three times every week
They called him Ernie and he drove the fastest
Ernie milk cart in the west
She said she'd like to bathe in milk he said, all right, sweetheart
And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up the cart
He said, do you want it pasturize?
'Cos pasturize is best
She says, Ernie, I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest
And that tickled old Ernie and he drove the fastest
Ernie milk cart in the west
Now Ernie had a rival an evil-looking man
Called Two-Ton Ted from Teddington and he drove the baker's van
He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread
And when she seen the size of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head
She nearly swooned at his macaroon
And he said no if you treat me right
You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night
He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way
And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day
Poor Ernie and he drove the fastest
Ernie milk cart in the west
One lunch time
Ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door
It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four
And as he lept down from his van hot blood through his veins did course
And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse
Whose name was trigger and he pulled the fastest
Trigger milk cart in the west
Now Ernie rushed out into the street his gold top in his hand
He said, if you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man
Oh, why don't we play cards for her?
He sneeringly replied
And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side
Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun
They stood there face to face and Ted went for his bun
But Ernie was too quick things didn't go the way Ted planned
And a strawberry-flavoured yogurt sent it spinning from his hand
Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart
And Ernie, he pushed her aside and a rock cake caught him underneath his heart
And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust
Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and
Ernie bit the dust
Poor Ernie and he drove the fastest
Ernie milk cart in the west
Ernie was only fifty two he didn't wanna die
And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land
But a woman's needs are many fold and soon she married Ted
But strange things happened on their wedding night as they lay in their bed
Was that the trees a-rustling?
Or the hinges of the gate?
Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a-rattling in their crate?
They won't forget Ernie and he drove the fastest
Ernie milk cart in the west

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